We all had a pretty good weekend. I had a dear friend take me to a concert on Friday night and the band was great. It was pretty mellow and it got me thinking a lot so that is always a scary thought! As opening band was playing my girlfriend was telling me about the headliner and how she follows them and just how great they are. I didn't think that we were talking very loud, but apparently the lady and gentleman in front of us scolded us for talking like we are three years old or something. Of course it upset me. It wasn't because they had been talking too or that they didn't tap the teenage girls on the shoulders in front of them for giggling and talking the ENTIRE time for both shows, I was angry that they made me feel guilty.
It finally dawned on me how much anger I actually have. The majority of my anger comes from our battle with CVST and people's nature. I haven't once been angry towards God, which I know some people go that direction when a crisis hits, and I haven't been mad at Ryan for the clots, I am just super ticked off at all the ignorant people around me. I am upset that a driver cut me off, what if I was on my way to the hospital to visit Ryan; I am mad at the idiots sitting in front of me because I needed to be there and chat with girlfriends; I am just mad at anything and everything around me.
I am so lucky to be in the real estate business because yesterday as I was putting up a listing sign I beat that sign with my mallet and boy did it feel good. It brought me back to the Swedish Hospital stay where one day I showed up just in a terrible mood. I was just so upset with everyone around me and Ryan just looked at me and said what's your problem, why are you so mad. I of course had several good reasons to be upset that day, but I just told him I want to punch 18 people in the face today. I've never been in a fight or been a violent person, but I felt for a split second I wanted someone else to feel, and I mean REALLY feel pain.
It's like the scene from Steel Magnolias where M'Lynn says," I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!" And then Clairee grabs Ouiser and says, "Here . . . Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!" By that point you are just crying your eyes out and then laughing your butt off and that's it, that's how I feel. I just want to hit someone until they feel as bad as I do. Most likely slapping someone in the face wouldn't be good for me or for the other person, but maybe it would!
Because I decided I can't go around slugging people in the face, I want to have a magic wand and it would look similar to the huge Hamburger Helper hand and when someone annoyed me (friends, you can breath easy right now, ALL of my anger has been directed to total strangers) I'd pull that little beauty out and slap them across the face. I am hoping it leaves a giant red mark across their face that says in red, "I didn't show GRACE."
Grace is an interesting word isn't it? I feel like more and more people don't know what that means and don't care at all to show it. Why do the women in the stores like to tell me how to parent and why do doctors act like I can't watch a spinal tap, and why do people think because I am a blonde (not natural of course) I must be uneducated. I don't walk around and judge people and to be totally honest since this all happened to us, I now shrug off all rudeness and just say well maybe they have a lot more on their plates right now than I do.
I of course am not advocating people have to act or behave like me, but what if, what if people just showed more grace in their day, do you think we'd notice?
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