I know this little f*er's are back. Sorry for the cursing, it's just been one of those days. I know the clots are back. Ryan's having more symptoms that are similar to the pre-stroke and I knew in both my head and heart they weren't breaking up.
If you can't tell, I am in a HORRIBLE mood today. I am so pissed off at life and people. By the way, NEVER EVER use Darci Amundson for photography, heads up, she is quite unprofessional and ridiculously over priced. Glad I got Ally's birthday photos done, complete with her f*ing logo all over them. It's bad enough they are low resolution, but I can't even put them in a digital scrapbook or anything. She wanted to charge $150 per image. She's not that good and if she was that good maybe she should buy a car so she can show up on time to her appointments!
You know, I ALWAYS try and treat people the way I want to be treated and I own my own business, but what I won't stand for is when other people try and take advantage of other people and that's exactly what she did, she basically takes advantage of people.
Sorry to vent I have a lot on my mind and a lot of this stuff isn't even making sense to me. Can we please just get a break!!!!!!! By the way, I did eat all that cake yesterday!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Defeated
I have been feeling very defeated the last few days. I constantly look around and I do count my blessings and I am SO very grateful for the moments I have with all of my loved ones, but I thirst for more. I thirst for answers, I thirst for comfort, I thirst for guarantees, and I thirst for life. I want to sit down and plan a family vacation and not have to think about the what ifs or the health of Ryan. I want to plan five and ten year goals for us and I want to picture my entire lifetime with Ryan.
Ryan told me last night that he feels pressure on the back of his head and the vein on his forehead is starting to pop back out as it was during the months leading up to the stroke. I really can't describe my reaction. On one hand I felt so worried and anxious and on the other I felt like of course it would be too good to be true that the clots are going away, you knew they weren't. That's not our luck or our life. Nothing has ever been easy for Ryan and I. Especially in the case of health, we've never had an easy answer to anything medical.
Sorry to be throwing the pity party and I might just have to uncover that cake in the refrigerator and let the celebration begin! It's like a constant feeling of loss of control. I've never been good at delegating or admitting I need help, that would make me defeated, and that's not me. I do find comfort in knowing that so many people are still praying for Ryan and helping us through this, so that's great to know and great to see. Please just pray for Ryan and us. Thanks.
Ryan told me last night that he feels pressure on the back of his head and the vein on his forehead is starting to pop back out as it was during the months leading up to the stroke. I really can't describe my reaction. On one hand I felt so worried and anxious and on the other I felt like of course it would be too good to be true that the clots are going away, you knew they weren't. That's not our luck or our life. Nothing has ever been easy for Ryan and I. Especially in the case of health, we've never had an easy answer to anything medical.
Sorry to be throwing the pity party and I might just have to uncover that cake in the refrigerator and let the celebration begin! It's like a constant feeling of loss of control. I've never been good at delegating or admitting I need help, that would make me defeated, and that's not me. I do find comfort in knowing that so many people are still praying for Ryan and helping us through this, so that's great to know and great to see. Please just pray for Ryan and us. Thanks.
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